Sweet or Loud

Being an easy going, talkative, friendly and loud doesn't really make my life happy all the time. I wish i was a pretty and sweet. But I will never be. ;( 


I do what boys do. I burb like a boy. I'm a loud laugther. I kick boys.  


Know why, because i have 2 brothers in the house. The big and the small. I do housework. No, not the cooking part, but the cuci-ing part, the angkat angkat part, the repair repair part. See, don't blame me. Blame the house school when i was little. And blame my childhood friend. Not memed, but long long childhood friends. I can't remember their name anymore. Since my gab with my older brother is just 2 years, so we played together. With his friends. I play rounders. I play hide and seek. Baling selipar. Kereta tamiya. 
Sorry, i don't do masak masak, kawin kawin, make up make up. No. I don't do that when i was little. 
So blame the surroundings during my childhood. 


Among all the boys thing i can do, alhamdulillah, i don't date girls. Fuck to that. 


Grow older, i seems to have more guy friends instead of girls. When you loud, people won't treat you nice. I meant, bukan macam kurang ajar punya treating. But ye lah, bahan bahan thing, talk whatever in mind. Kire macam selamba punya friendship. I felt that during my diploma. Of all the guy friends, the classmate or whatever mate, they don't treat me like they treat sweet type of girl. Kira macam tak payah jaga hati. Maybe they're too comfortable sampai ignore the sensitivity. I don't blame them, i blame myself for not being a sweet type of girl. 


At some point, i realize. If i still behave and continue making friends with guys instead of girls, that will make me look bad. Like seriously, orang tengok, eh banyaknye kawan lelaki die. People thoughts you can never control. Maybe i am being myself but yet people thoughts should be consider. They don't understand. And some guys who make friends with pon, ada jugak cakap belakang. Then i know, i need a change. So i cut the list and the list getting shorter when i met Mr.B. 


I learned a lot from my past. So lots. And I changed. I'm not like what i used to be. I know i changed a lot. But i can never be perfect. No one could ever be. If last time i talk to random friends, now i don't. If last time i approved random people, now i don't. If last time i answered unknown number, now i don't. If last time i talk too much with guys, now i don't. I don't do club. I don't go out with my guy friends. All pon don't. So i assumed, i am much better than what i used to be. Now i jaga the tatasusila. The what people might think. Jaga the air muka of mr.B. I'm happy with the changes i made. 


For all the strangers thing and people, i can't denied i still talk with guys. I mean, how can you not talking to  people you already known for long time. That is not the right thing to do. In future, if you choose to live only inside your box, then it will be hard. Apatah lagi when i'm doing mass comm. My 1st semester pon dah susah. I have the photo class. I'm dumbed in using gadget and i don't have the gadget. When you have friends in that field, then your life is muchhhhh easy compared to mine. At least that was what i saw my classmate did. Why burden yourself when you can actually ask for help. This is the reality in life. And when you in working field. You need more contacts. Kalau tak nak bersosial dengan orang, then susah. Then go back to accounting field. :D. Tapi sama je, kalau nak keje bank, if ada contacts then lagi ok. Zaman sekarang susah. 


The key point, you should know which type of people you should be friend with. The limit in the friendship. Kalau dah ada boyfriend, but wanted to be friends with other guys in a way of gatal gatal way, then tak payah kawan. Dok umah masak je. So, the way you approach people, the way you built the relationship, the way you handle it is very important.  Don't built the friendship by having fun in clubs, invited to private party or all sort of thing. Choose the right one. When talking about having fun, you have your mr.B to have fun with. 


Limit is important. And trust should be given. Understanding is the worst part. 


Semua orang suka bersembang. Just don't judge, be understanding.
As long as you know your limit. Everything should be okay. 


Of all, i still wish i was born pretty and sweet who talk softly and wore sweet dress. 

spoiled*

p/s : Be proud to know that i don't do club, i don't hangout with guys.